Articles by Charles Withers

Charles Withers has taken part in 9 posts for Canariesinthemine.com

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Charles Withers

Happy Birthday, You’re Not Special

by Charles Withers October 29, 2009

3 years ago on this day my band was opening for Pennywise in a footbal arena… 2 years ago on this day Giana Giancarlo surprised me by sneaking into my bed while I was sleeping and awaking me with a blowjob and a handful of pills… 1 year ago on this day I was drinking [...]

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I wrote this while on Ambien

by Charles Withers October 27, 2009

and Scotch… “Good degree boy: So boy you are now functioning and every functioning functional fucking thing, from the the sprockets to the rockets to the elevator springs does operate and pontificate for your Euclidean sting” Groovy…huh?

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King Shit of Fuck Mountain

by Charles Withers October 14, 2009

I had a huge crush on Jenna Davies in the 3rd grade. Every other weekday morning at 7:30 a.m. Jenna’s mom would stuff Jenna and her curly blonde hair into the car seat next to me. Shoved into the back of my mom’s tan Chevy Caprice for the carpool ride to West Beach Grade School… [...]

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Katherine is Newly Married

by Charles Withers October 12, 2009

It’s June 2009 My aunt from San Diego is out of town; Summer in Europe. I am building my Aunt a custom Koi pond The dearly beloved Katherine is lonely and tired of being married to a Mainline Heroin Junkie Drunk and on a fun streak she punches my number into her cell phone… I [...]

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Cause my friend never saw the Modern White Whale

by Charles Withers October 11, 2009

Mr. Mayor fought fish for a living. His fingernails caked with the grit of a diesel engine and t-shirts smattered with aquatic entrails he would come home, victorious. His Second favorite topic was about his battles triumphant: “Fucking 1,100 pound Mako shark, Dude I fought that fucking thing for 8 hours” His favorite topic was [...]

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Because She was a Pretty Blonde…

by Charles Withers February 13, 2009

Because I was Bored… Because she Liked my band… Because it’s easy to date girls if they like your band… Because she would let me Handcuff her and Fuck her in the ass… Because she had her own place… And I live with my parents… …Definitely not because she laughed at me when I told [...]

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How to Become a Musician…

by Charles Withers February 9, 2009

How to Become a Musician: Step 1. pick up an instrument. Now be aware, whatever particular instrument you prefer, chances are it is not that particularly interesting to the people that you will be playing it for. So to all of you Obo afficiandos out there…just buy a fucking guitar already. Step 2. Join a [...]

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An Idea for a Book About a Kid Who Robs Dead Peoples Houses…

by Charles Withers February 4, 2009

      He lived just 2 doors down from my parents house on Elm and 17th for every day of my 18 years of life. For all of that time he parked his succession of Ford Mustangs (first a 78, then an 88, then a shiny new 98) in the dirty driveway amidst his little [...]

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She’s Much Smarter Than Me…

by Charles Withers February 3, 2009

Dear Sarah,   I hope your exams went well, I’m sure you’ll make a great Psychologist.   Thank you for letting me hold your purse for all of six months.   That being said…   Kiss my ass and drink my piss. Here’s a question for you to analyze: what kind of 25 year-old fully [...]

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